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What men have found attractive in women has changed quite remarkably in the last twenty years. From full figured to super skinny and everything in between. The latest trends, and Hollywood, seem to dictate how things go.
This brings us to our first point. Beauty is perceived. What one person may find extremely appealing, another might not glance twice at. Take some time and think about your ideal woman, have a clear picture of her in your mind. Is she tall, blonde, tanned, red headed, or a nurse? Know what you want, it makes finding her a lot easier.
Do Looks Matter with Women?
When it comes to appearance, looks do matter. Not necessarily in the same way that we judge looks however. When a guy judges a woman, he does it in a split second, basing this judgment on physical, genetic appearance. Toned body, tight waist, facial features ect.
When a woman judges a man, more factors come into play. Looks are, a guesstimate – 25% genetics, the remainder is made up of style, grooming, and confidence. I slot confidence in with looks because it has a lot to do with how attractive you appear when you first meet a woman. You could have great genetics, be dressed incredibly well and still come off as unattractive if you’re not confident – it’s that important.
Side note: You will run into women that won’t even talk to you unless your 6’2, have straight, pearly white teeth and look like a movie star. That’s life, if you don’t fill that quota, move on. The idea floating around that any guy can get any girl just isn’t true!
The above is not meant to dissuade you, but rather to remind you that dating, approaching and meeting women is a screening process. You’re looking to meet someone that ultimately makes you happy (most guys anyway). So keep looking.
Body Language and Tonality
Books and books have been written on non-verbal communication. Suffice to say it’s important. So what are a few of the key factors to positive, attractive body language?
• Clear slow speech
• How you walk
• Mannerisms
• Eye Contact
Above I mentioned you can look great and still come off unconfident. What exactly is confidence? Confidence is the level assurity or your beliefs about the way things are. These are beliefs are constantly being reinforced by both others, and ourselves. Self-talk (the on-going dialogue in our head) has a huge impact on how confident we are. We have something like 60 thousand thoughts a day go through our head, most of them are the same as yesterday, and the same as the day before. We are constantly reinforcing what we believe. If you notice yourself saying “I am ugly, girls will never like me,” this will become your reality.
So other than changing what we tell ourselves how do we use body language to become more confident and sexy? Slow down what you’re saying. Not to the point that people are like “come on, spit it out” or finishing your sentences for you, just slow enough to not seem rushed. This is a problem for a lot of guys, they say everything at 100 words per minute because they want to get their entire thought out there without someone cutting them off. This is a sure sign of lack of confidence since the person that speaks this fast may not feel they have enough value to keep people’s attention.
Walking says a lot about you. You make pretty quick assumptions about someone who drags their feet and walks with their head down. You come to a different conclusion when someone walks in relaxed and with a purpose. I am not going to tell you how to walk with swag or anything like that, what I will say is don’t try too hard! Puffing up your chest and walking around like you’re King Kong isn’t cool, people see right through it. Don’t be a try hard! Focus on being relaxed, keep good posture and walk with a purpose.
Lastly, eye contact. Focusing on the girl too much can seem weird. Not looking at her enough can appear submissive. When first approaching a woman, don’t be afraid to hold eye contact. If you turn and look away before she does… you have something to work on right away. Remember, don’t stare women down or you’ll get labeled creepy. Deviate your gaze often while in conversation so it doesn’t look like you’re hanging off her every word.
Top 10 Things Not to Do when you First Meet a Woman
1. Buy her drinks
2. Buy her gifts
3. Give generic compliments
4. Stare at her breasts
5. Kiss her ass (figuratively… and literally)
6. Apologize for being yourself
7. Jump at whatever she asks you to do
8. Overtly brag
9. Insult her
10. Talk about yourself the whole time
The Great Approach
For some reason guys get insanely hung up on the approach and the opener when it comes to meeting new women. They think they need some elaborate opener that magically covers the pick up process in its entirety while not breaking a sweat. WRONG.
Approaching women and starting a conversation can be as easy or as difficult as you want to make it. The opener does nothing more than start the interaction, within minutes you’re moved on to a new topic.
Let me ask you a question. If I just gave you the perfect opener, let’s say, “XYZ Opener” – this opener is proven to work every time. It has a 100% success rate in any situation. It’s never failed to start a conversation with anyone who’s used it. You’re armed with the best conversation starter on the planet – now what?
So you’ve put yourself in the position of being past the opener, you’re now thinking ahead, what should you be doing now? What should you be saying, where do you want to lead the interaction, are you going to get the phone number? These are probably things that are popping into your head. These are far more important questions than how do I start a conversation with a girl I’ve never met before.
Hopefully this has given you some perspective on how arbitrary and unimportant the opener is. It doesn’t matter what you use, it doesn’t matter how you use it, as long as you hook their attention and you can quickly transition to something more meaningful.
Tips and Tricks
I want to put together a couple tips and tricks to help really help you when you’re out there meeting new women. Firstly:
Be Different. Put yourself in her shoes for 30 seconds. Would you look twice if somebody walked up to you and gave you the same boring look, complimented you in the same generic way, then started asking you a barrage of personal questions without even knowing you? Probably not.
How about you throw her an unusual compliment, perhaps you remind her of someone you met while you were traveling in Europe? This leaves the door open for her to ask questions about you. This way your interactions aren’t interviews. It also gives you the ability to subtly demonstrate your value. Instead of asking her questions, perhaps you make a statement about the coffee shop you’re in, and how you come to this one because the one across town has too many old people and too long a line. You get my drift.
Create comfort, but not too much. A lot of guys get stuck in this situation. They’re going along, everything seems great and before you know it bam! Stuck in the friend zone. Not a good place to be. Why did you get there though? A common reason is you built too much comfort, but you didn’t take the time to break rapport, flirt and build attraction. Avoid this by making an effort to flirt more, touch more, and really amp up the sexual attraction. This will help you fly over the friend zone and avoid landing in it.
Flirt ASAP. Here’s the deal, the quicker you start flirting and touching her (non sexual at first), the quicker you will progress the relationship to sex. You can start a few minutes into the interaction by touching her on the arm or should when she says something funny. Or perhaps give her a little push (playful) if she does something you don’t approve of. Regardless, start flirting immediately. The longer you wait the more awkward it becomes. So start right off the bat and avoid this issue all together.
Living an Attractive Lifestyle
Seducing women isn’t as difficult as some people make it seem. If you want an attractive woman in your life you need to have an attractive lifestyle. Plain and simple. You can’t be some boring ass guy with no hobbies or passions, no friends, and no aspirations in life and still armed with your magic pick up line go out and expect to succeed with women. It just doesn’t happen.
If you’re not happy with the women in your life, your lifestyle probably has something to do with it. Start doing exciting things, take risks, sign up for courses, or network with people. All these things help build an interesting life that a any woman would be happy to be a part of.
At the end of the day, women are just one aspect of your life. To be successful you need to have more than just women. You need to have a well rounded lifestyle. So go make that happen.
